Sin Cera

生命里有太多时候
要接受不能接受的事
明知道没有绝对
却不能接受一直守候的爱情
渐渐消失而去
接受凡事要说实话
却不能接受真正的实话
其实我只希望
这个世界还有个地方
可以接受我
我相信他接受我了
结果我哭了
眼泪会流
因为我错了

歌曲：爱多少 早知道 歌手：殷悦

我的头发已全部剪掉
你制定的发型我现在不想要
我再也不会抱着你聊
聊那些以前以为有的未来
对你说的话
现在想起来多可笑
请你别太计较
早知道我会爱得受不了
就该随身带着一把剪刀
把所有我不爱的画面都去掉
是否我会更好
早知道认识你像玩高空弹跳
拉着你我爱的距离忽大忽小
也许认识我的时候你就知道
你对我的爱有多少

Life is like a joke that God plays on me. He puts someone in my life to love and care for me, gave me the courage and confidence to love again, only to take it all away. My heart hurts as if a thousand knives has pierced right into it but it didn’t kill me. I’m like hanging from a cliff, neither falling to my death nor being rescued. And it was him who pushed me off the cliff after bringing me up there to see the beautiful scenery that he told me to trust in. I believed that he has been true to me in this short span of relationship and that he has tried his best in every way that he possibly could. He was really a dream come true and I really did thank the Lord for everyday that He put him in my life. I have tons of whys in my head which I cannot get an answer to. People around me has comforted me, scolded me and shared with me their experiences. I do agree that many of their experiences is far worse than what I’m going through now, but so what? I know that I’ll eventually walk out of it but the misery that I’m going through now, only I understand best. I had wanted it to work so bad that I’ve put in all my heart and soul into this relationship only to fall so hard that I don’t know how to stand again. Tears fall till there’s no more and the feeling of grieve and sadness remain, without being able to cry it out, everything is worse. It doesn’t matter that my eyes swell from crying, but at least I’m able to cry myself to sleep. Sleeping is all I want to do nowadays. It’s the only relief I get from the intense pain that I’m feeling. The worse fear that I have after he left is waking up from sleep. When all the emotions rush in and slap me so hard in the face with the emptiness that I feel so often. I know that I’ll have to pick myself up and overcome this myself. Perhaps I just want to live in denial for a while. No doubt I’m torturing myself, but it all happened so quickly that it feels so surreal. I thank all my friends and my family for being here with me, especially to my mum who so patiently stayed by my side. Time can heal a lot of things, but I’m not sure that it can heal me this time. I’m too crushed.

People say that new beginnings come after an ending to something or should I say that endings comes when you begin something? Relationships with people comes and goes and some never did start at all in the first place. I hold my belief that relationships are fragile. Be it in a boy-girl relationship or a relationship between friends or family. Who can really decide or say that things will never change? I’m not trying to be pessimistic here. It’s just so true isn’t it?

I’ve just come to know someone new in my life not too long ago and I’m thankful that I have him. Much as uncertainties will lay our path and shake the foundation, I know that we’ll try hard to work things out together.. For those out there who are facing the trial, hang in there. There are still friends and family who will be there for you.

It’s the end of 2007 and 2008’s coming. I’ve ended 2007 and starting my new year beautifully. Work at school’s coming to an end and I’ll be looking for a new perm job soon, then teach piano part-time. Pray that all will be good for all of you out there. Blessed Christmas and Happy 2008. =]

With love,
Felicia and Eric

当你想起我, 你会想到什么?

yea yea.. i haven been blogging in ages again. haven really been in the best of moods. people leaving and others not appreciating, people too sensitive and people not sensitive. it’s a test of my patience and endurance which is wearing out dangerously fast. don’t know how long i’ll last. people always think that i’ll live through all the trials and blah blah blah.. but how many really understands and knows all the crap that i have to go through.. (i guess at this point of time, some people will say that everyone will have their own troubles etc etc..) i really don’t need that at the moment. if you think that you can’t say something constructive or something that can help, then forget it. thanks for reading and no thanks as well. my cousin’s wedding coming up. happy occasion, but brought me much thoughts also. people asking when will it be my turn? how to be my turn when nobody’s coming to sweep me off my feet? the coast is really clear.. will that day come soon? God knows. the answer? wait. i hate being independent. hate hiding and pretending that all’s fine and well. but my subconsious self will do that automatically and sometimes i myself is confused. don’t know whether i’m really okay or just pretending. memory failing me also. supplements doesn’t seem to help much. everyone around says it’s normal, but i know that it’s not. thank you to those friends who have always been with me through the ups and downs. though you don’t say much, but i do know and appreciate that you care.

ironic life.

It’s wondrous what a hug can do.
A hug can cheer you when you’re blue
A hug can say, "I love you so,"
Or, "I hate to see you go."
A hug is "Welcome back again."
And "Great to see you! Where ‘er you been?"
A hug can soothe a small child’s pain
And bring a rainbow after rain.
The hug, there’s just no doubt about it —
We scarcely could survive without it!
A hug delights and warms and charms;
It must be why God gave us arms
Hugs are not only nice they are needed…
Hugs can relieve pain and depression..
Make the healthier happier,
And the most secure even more so..
Hugging feels good and overcomes fear…
Hugging makes happy days happier
And impossible days possible.

It’s just the perfect way 
To show the love we’re feeling
But can’t find the words to say.